As Seen On TV

I love it when a commercial brags that a product is "Made from Space-Age material." First of all, after witnessing two different space shuttles explode I'm not sure that's the greatest selling point. If I just bought a Tempurpedic mattress made from patented space-age material, I'm standing outside the matress store, tying it to the roof of my car, and wondering if it's going to disintegrate on the freeway during the ride home.

That said, the entire concept is just outdated. I mean, the Space Age started in what, 1958? When you look at it that way, Frisbees and poodle skirts are made from space-age material.

I can't help but wonder what these ad writers did before we launched that first rocket into space and gave them their favorite sales pitch. "Now look here, the Radio Flyer Wagon is made from Prohibition-age material."

Actually, that has a nice ring to it. If you told me I could buy a Dick Tracy hat and a bottle of bathtub gin, both made from Prohibition-age material, you would have yourself a deal, Mister. Especially if you compare it to a "Space Age" hat or a bottle of "Space Age" moonshine - who would want that? If it's anything like that freeze-dried astronaut ice cream I tried when I was a kid, then the answer is nobody.

In conclusion, the Space Age sucks. And I will glady fight any late-night Infomercial fan that disagrees with me.